Depressed

Rave update - I was surprised - she actually was home before 100 am - she said they saw all the friends they wanted to and then they came home. Rehab Boy is back in town and she saw him at the Rave - she said they both promised each other again that they weren't going to do drugs - which remember doesn't mean marijuana to L. I found out today that L has delivered drugs for people during the past year - I asked her if she knew she could get in just as much trouble as the person selling and she said yup - that's why she will stop once she turns 18. 35 days for those of you keeping track.

I didn't do any of the things I needed to this weekend - my room is still covered in clean laundry - the dishwasher is full of clean dishes - and i have papers and crap all over the house that need to be gone through. I just have no motivation to do anything - depression is like that - I can't seem to drag myself out of this - I have been in a funk for almost a month now - I just don't know what to do. It has turned me into a big slug - i just hang on the couch - I'm not eating well - I'm not sleeping well - I need something to help snap me out of this. Today didn't help much - L wanted to drive around the Highlands and show me the big houses that are being built up there - it just ended up making me feel like crap because I know I will never be able to afford a nice house - and every time I have tried to sell this place and move it hasn't worked out. I just need something new and exciting to happen. Ugh! I can feel the urge to curl up under the blankets and hide from the world - it is an overwhelming feeling that starts in the back of your head and it would be so easy to give in to it and just not get up for anything. I have just been feeling very isolated lately - It is tough to be a single 43 yo in this world - everything is geared towards couples and guys my age are all looking for pyts (pretty young things).

OK - I need to just go to bed now.

De