L is 18 in 5 hours. How did I spend this final day of her being 17? Mostly trying to remind myself why she wasn't going to be moving out tomorrow on her 18th birthday. She is heading into adulthood kicking and screaming and wanting to have everything she wants right now and handed to her.
Let's start with this - she got paid on Monday and as you know from previous posts I was a numskull and loaned her money during April. SO on Monday I asked - did you get paid today - nope the person who does the checks wasn't in today. Tuesday - did you get your check today - oh I forgot to check - Wednesday when I got home there was a domino's pizza container on the couch - hmmm she must have gotten paid because she ordered pizza - no she says her friend Bre had some money on her - yes the 15 year old runaway. OK - by Friday I had grown extremely suspicious. I get home - get the mail - and low and behold her bank statement has arrived in the mail. So I opened it and guess what - she deposited her pay check on Monday!!! When she got home I asked her why she had lied to me - I don't know what you're talking about I just got paid today. Uh no - you deposited your paycheck on Monday so again I ask why did you lie to me - I didn't want to have to pay you back. So I asked when I would get my money which then turned into her saying she didn't want to talk about it and I would get my money sometime. She then headed out with her little marijuana buddy Blake. I knew she had gotten high because at 1130 I got a text message form her apologizing for lying and that she would be home in the morning and would get me my money.
That now leads us to today. She came home - paid me - showered - napped - and then was heading back over to Jenny's. I was leaving then to run some errands so I offered to drop her off at Jenny's. As we were getting to Jenny's house she was all - oh I should have checked the mail to see if I had any birthday money because now that she had paid me back she didn't know how much she had left in her bank account and she needed to save money so she could use that along with her next months paycheck to buy Chelsie's car. I then asked her if she had already spent the $50 she had gotten in the mail on Thursday - yup it was gone. I then said something about how she should have saved it to put towards her car - she said she would have enough with June's paycheck - I said don't forget you need to pay rent and your phone out of that. What?!?!?!? Yup - she hadn't really budgeted for that. Then there were lots of tears and why was I making her pay rent - did Nana and Papa make me pay rent. Nope because I went to school - but once I was out of school and working I was asked to move out. I then said that even if we made a deal and she still was only going to have $200 left from her paycheck, after paying rent and phone, to take care of insurance, gas, and anything else she needed during the month. More tears and crying about how come I was charging her $200 when I knew she didn't make that much. I said maybe she should think about getting a second job or else a full-time job. Told her she has had the last year off since graduation and it was now time to start figuring out she was going to live. So she got out of the car - said she would talk to me later. Slammed the door and said "Thanks for putting me in a f*****g bad mood on my birthday" To which I replied - Don't blame me for the choices you have made.
I am now at home and keep thinking back to where I was 18 years ago! This certainly wasn't what I was dreaming about or planning for my life and hers when I headed to the hospital after my water broke. This isn't what I wished for her when I first saw her head full of curly black hair and realized she looked a lot like my sister's girls. This is not what my hopes for her were when I brought her home and placed her in the cradle beside my bed. The time has gone so fast and there are so many things I wanted for her. She is 18 now and her decisions are her own - whatever path she chooses to take I will always have wishes, hopes, and dreams for her. May she be safe.
De
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