Negative?!?

So . . . the other day someone commented that I was being negative. . . which brings me to this question -"Has everything that happened this past month made me negative . . . or . . . Has my negative attitude contributed to all the crap this past month?" Now - considering that the 2 main items were my dog dying and the L issue - I don't think my attitude contributed to those at all - I think they made me depressed which I guess could come across to some people as negative. The not being happy at work could be a bit of both - here is the formula: Crap in my life = Depressed/Negative Attitude = Hating my life! Kind of a bad cycle.

Now my work attitude isn't all because of things going on in my home life. Without giving away private info - stuff I'm not to share outside - I will just say this . . . being in the Finance Department sometimes really sucks. Not just because of the Month/Qtr End stress but also because you are privy to information that other departments aren't - such as Expense Reimbursements and Payroll info - and it can really be depressing. I begin to doubt whether what I do is appreciated - is my knowledge respected. One day someone is there and the next day they're gone - no communication letting people know what happened - makes you feel like you could be the next one gone and it would be like you were never there at all.

Right now I am watching my Guilty Pleasure - America's Next Top Model. This season is like a cross between early seasons of ANTM and Bad Girls!! There's not a standout beauty and most of these girls just want to start fights and don't know how to live with anyone - just want their way and that's it. So entertaining!

Time to go to bed - get ready for another day.

De

Lost!

I was watching a Grey's Anatomy rerun tonight and there was a guy that looked familiar - I went to my favorite website for things like this IMDB.com - and found out he is the actor that plays Jacob on Lost. When I went to his page I found this news article - Mini Doc Jensen: 'Buffy' meets 'Lost' PLUS: More thoughts about "Ab Aeterno"

If you are a Lost fan you need to read this and then all of the other articles by this author. He discusses each episode and points out things you might have missed - brings things together from other episodes to help you come to conclusions about WTH is going on!!

This article made me laugh - mostly because I am a huge Buffy fan and he posted the following YouTube video (enjoy Buffy Fans!)

It's Been A WeeK

Tonight I was going to write about the Chelsea Handler show I saw over the weekend but . . . . . . . it's been a week since Muppet passed and she is still all I can think about when I get home at night. I just miss her so much. So . . . . . tonight's Blog is just going to be this video I found on my camera from last summer.

This is how I was greeted every night when I came home.

It All Catches Up

The emotions over this past month have finally caught up with me.  Worn Out - Major Headache.  The 2 major worries have come to a close and my body is just drained.  I am thinking I need a vacation.  In the near future I am thinking about going to Portland OR - Christian Kane is performing at Dante's and I am loving his music.  He is an actor on Leverage and is trying to break in to the Country music biz - I really like his music - kind of a mix of country and rock.  He is performing in April so I might take a weekend trip down there.  Dante's is right by Voodoo Donuts!!    Been wanting to go there ever since I saw them on the Food Network.

I found about 5 videos I had taken of Muppet on my camera.  I started looking at the yesterday - thinking I could put bits and pieces together to make a movie - it was too hard to watch them though - I think I may need to wait a few weeks before I try watching them again.  Just to hard seeing her all full of life and dancing in the kitchen. 

I went out with Lyd on Saturday night - Dinner - movie - Chelsea Handler.  I will write all about that tomorrow . . . . . stay tuned!

De

3 Days Later

It has been 3 days since Miss Muppet's passing.  Each day has gotten a little bit better - work helps to keep my mind off things.  Nighttime is the hardest - coming home from work and not having her there to greet me - dance for me - be excited to see me.  I miss her licky kisses on my face and toes - yes she loved to lick toes!  I miss having her next to me in bed - snoring away.  The past month she had slept curled up right next to me every night.  The cats have been attentive - I think they are beginning to realize that Muppet is missing and not coming back. 

Dr Brar called me this evening - he had the results back from the biopsy he had done on Muppet's liver - he did this to get some answers for himself.  The results showed that Muppet's liver was damaged beyond repair - it was necrotized and had turned septic so it was slowly poisoning her.  She also had a form of Hepaptitis that was untreatable - this is why she had lost all the hair down the middle of her back.  There were also stones in her gallbladder - which contributed to her jaundice.  Dr Brar said he feels confident that we did everything we could and that because Muppet was such a fighter we were able to get an extra month with her.  He said we should both be able to sleep at night knowing that there wasn't anything else we could have done.

I will be busy this weekend so I won't have too much time to sit around and miss her - which is good because if I didn't have places I had to be I would spend the whole weekend in bed - under the covers.  I am picking L up early tomorrow to take her to an appointment.  Then it is a girls night out with Lyd - dinner, movie, and then Chelsea Handler at 1030 pm.  Sunday L and E are planning on coming over for laundry and dinner.

Time for bed.

De

Rest In Peace Miss Muppet

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

It Always Catches Up With You

Woke up this morning with a migraine - first one in awhile which is nice.  I think the stress from the last 4 weeks probably caught up with me - along with losing the hour over the weekend.  Spent the day sleeping curled up with Mup.  She just wants to be held these days - I need to get a baby carrier so I can get some stuff done around the house.

Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day - need to get to work early because I need to leave early to pick up L and take her to an appointment.  Then grocery shopping and baking a cake for BJ's birthday at work.

So - last night I discovered that Buffy had decided to use a pile of clean clothes inb my room as her litter box - yup, she peed on them!  So I pushed her out of my room and closed the door so she couldn't come in while I was sleeping.  230 this morning I woke up to the sound of her meowing and scratching at the door.  She was also reaching her paw under the door and it sounded like she was jumping up and trying to grab the door knob.  Well - that's exactly what she was doing!  It took her 20 minutes but she did it - she opened the door to the bedroom!  She is the most annoying, sneaky, crafty cat ever.  All the clothes have been picked up now.

De

Little Miss Muppet

Miss Muppet gave me a scare - again - tonight.  She's not eating or drinking - she was very wobbly when I got home.  I turned in to nervous scared Mom and off to the vets we went - I am so happy that they are open until 8!  Poor Mup was shaking when we got there - all wobbly and yellow.   I thought this was going to be it - but Miss Muppet is just not ready yet.  Dr Brar gave her some fluids, an anti-nausea shot, and a steroid shot.  He also had to draw some fluid out of her stomach - poor baby.  There wasn't very much fluid - which s a good thing - that's a sign of complete liver failure.  After paying the bill - we were g=heading out the dor and Dr Brar said "Miss Muppet will let us know when the time has come, but it is not today!"  So I still have my pup!!

I had planned on baking again tonight - more stress relieving - but when I got back from the vets Muppet was still shaking so I have been on the couch snuggling with her.  I am so glad tomorrow is Friday - I so need a weekend again.  All these up and down emotions are draining.

De

It's A Week For Baking

The Cinnamon Pull Apart Muffins I made last night were a big hit today at work today - they went very quickly. The baking helped relieve stress last night. When I got home tonight Muppet looked a bit better - she had eaten some food - no interest in eating tonight and kinda sleepy. So . . . . it was back in to the kitchen to relieve some more stress . . . . . Banana Bread for tomorrow!

This morning Muppet was a little bouncy - Yay - she wanted to go down the stairs on her own. Yeah . . . She can't really do that anymore. She almost went "ass over tea kettle" down the stairs. When she got to the bottom she was kinda walking like a drunken sailor - not that I've seen a lot of those in my life!

My mind is kinda blank right now - I have been so stressed out and my minds been going a mile a minute trying to absorb everything that's been going on that I think it has just shut down. It as said - enough is enough - I'm too full - can't work out any more issues. So while the bread is finishing up baking I am watching mindless tv - America's Next Top Model Cycle 14! Makeovers on the first day and tears already. Now I had to change the channel - it was starting to be more like an episode of Bad Girls Club - wayyyyy to much drama!

Final buzzer went off - taking the bread out and heading to bed.

De

Question of Faith

Muppet did not have a very good day today. I came home to find that she had not eaten any of the food I left out for her - hadn't drank very much water - had thrown up at least once during the day. She was curled up tight in her bed and wouldn't come out of it to see me. I had to pick her up out of it. She is getting so light. I just sat in a chair and held her and rocked her - she likes that. I then called L and told her I was going to come over to the apt so she could see Mup and I would also drop off her check. Mup just sat in my lap the whole ride over there - hardly moving at all. After L cashed her check we went through a McDonald's drive-thru - not even a McDonald's french fry could tempt Mup to eat - she loves french fries - so I know she is definitely not feeling well. She just laid in L's lap, she would sniff at the fry but then turn her head away.

When we got home tonight Mup and I sat on the couch for awhile. I then got up to do some baking - needed the stress relief. Mup stayed on the couch for a bit but then she came looking for me. She came in to the kitchen - climbed into her bed - and went to sleep. She just wants to be right with me. I tried out a new recipe I got form Lyd - Crunchy Cinnamon Cobblestone Muffins. They are like a small version of monkey bread. They turned out pretty good - I am sure they will get better the more I make them. I will bring them to work tomorrow - unless I need to take Muppet to the vet in the morning. If that happens I may just have to eat them all myself.

These past few weeks have found me questioning my faith. I hear from all sorts of people that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I asked J today, when does he think God knows he has given you enough. He asked me if I really wanted to know . . . . I said yes. Here is what he said:

• I think that the premise of the question is incorrect. It's at what point YOU think God has given you more than you can handle. I believe when you feel you've reached that point, you have every right to ask him for help to deal with what you already have on your plate and that He not give you any more at this time. And that requires heartfelt, honest, on your knees prayer. When you pray, don't just stand right back up and go about your next activity. Spend at least the same amount of time you spent praying, just kneeling there and listening. Remember prayer is communication with God. If you get up and leave right after you've said your piece, when is it that God gets His time to speak.

I like how he verbalized this. It makes a lot of sense to me. I told him he should be my Home Teacher.

I am looking for something that is not in my life right now - I need something that is not in my life right now - I think this is a step in the right direction.

De

I Need A Longer Break

Hey - the weekend was fine. I took a break from my life for a few hours and wandered through Target! Love that store. I went up and down all the aisles and just looked at things. I did get a few things - the College Care Package Gang hadn't gotten anything since Christmas so I found a few things. Lyd called me while I was there - she was close to my house and wanted to stop by - I had her come down and meet me at Target. Little Hoyt was sound asleep when they got there but he did wake-up - I coaxed a small smile out of him! He is such a good little boy. When we were done wandering it was time for her to take the little man home. AT her car she let me try a new muffin she had made for a baby shower she had been at earlier in the day - yum yum yummy!! I got the recipe, picked p some of the ingredients on my way home tonight and will probably do some baking later in the week.

Yesterday Mup woke up looking like she felt fairly good - she wouldn't eat until I made some scrambled eggs around 2 - she took a couple bites. She seemed very tired all day - then at 8 she threw up the eggs - they had been sitting in her stomach for 6 hours - not a good sign. Dr Brar said that one of the first things to look for was lack of appetite along with throwing up - this would indicate she was heading back to the way she was 3 weeks ago. I know she has made it past the 10 god days he had originally talked about - I guess I had started to think that she was going to beat this thing and actually be around for years and years. I guess I need to prepare myself for the inevitable - she is not going to survive this.

When I got home tonight she had eaten some chicken during the day but she didn't get up out of her bed to see me. I had to coax her to walk towards me - I was very surprised to look down on her as she walked - she is looking very skinny - I think she is losing weight quickly. She is also losing her hair along the ridge of her back and her tail. Looking a little scraggly. She did eat some more chicken for dinner - she has figured out that I hide pills in her food and has started spitting them out - had to do the shove it down the throat method again. So much fun! She is now sound asleep next to me on the couch.

I think this is going to be a long stressful week. Mup worries and L issues. Maybe that's what I should name my blog!!

De

Safe Harbor

With everything that has been going on these last few days today was like a safe harbor in a large storm. It started with a nice surprise from Colleen, Linds, and Krystina delivered to me at work! A box of cupcakes from a place called Cupcake Royale -OMG!! This place has been voted best in Seattle and for a very good reason - they were the most delicious cupcakes I have ever had! I didn't eat them all myself - I did share with people at work. I had the Lemon one for breakfast! The frosting was sweet, tangy, with just the right amount of lemon flavor. The cake was firm and moist - to die for! And . . . . there was a Lemon Drop candy on top of the cupcake! The next one I had a taste of - I cut them in half so I could have a taste and yet share them with people - So . . . the next one was Salted Caramel!! Wow! Chocolate cupcake with a Salted Caramel frosting - the frosting starts out sweet and caramely and then you get the taste of the salt - Yum Yum Yum! I have leftovers so I will snack on them this weekend. Here's what they looked like . . . . . . .


The flavors starting from the top left -
Dance Party, Lavender, Royale w/Cheese, Irish Whiskey Maple,Lemon Drop, Coconut Bunny, Peppermint Party, Carrot Cake,Triple Chocolate, Kate, Salted Caramel, Red Velvet

Thank you again Colleen, Linds, and Krystina!!

When work was done I asked Jason if he wanted a ride home - he lives down in Kent which is in the opposite direction of me but since the move we haven't been able to really talk - he now shares an office instead of having one to himself - a little difficult to have "counseling" sessions when he has a roommate! So I drove him to his park and ride to get his car and then followed him to his house where his wife Angie was making homemade pizzas. They were so so Good! She made the crust from scratch - it was thick, fluffy - just like a real pizza place. It was really nice to just hang out with his family - and they had friends over too - and not think about everything that has been going on. I also was able to have a nice discussion with him in the car and decompress at his house.

I came home and Miss Muppet was still alive!! Yay - another day with her!! She had some chicken for dinner - and has been snuggling with me since. She just seems really tired - and her body is making some loud, strange noises! It's like all of her insides are moving around.

I'm not real comfortable yet writing about what else has been going on besides Miss Muppet - I'm not sure if I ever will be. Right now I am having an internal struggle about some decisions, choices, and consequences L has created in her life. I am trying to separate myself from the situation but it is difficult.

OK - deep breath - enjoy the feeling of relaxation. I think I will have half a cupcake and then head to bed!

De

Big Heavy Sigh

Muppet is doing OK - we went to the vets yesterday to pick-up her seizure meds and Dr Brar came out to see her and to ask how she had been doing. He said her jaundice wasn't worse but that it certainly hadn't gotten better. After talking for a bit he decided that we should run the blood work again to see if the steroids and liver supplements have helped at all. The results should have been back today but they weren't - hopefully I hear something tomorrow. She was a bit lethargic this morning - ate some of the leftover cheeze-it chicken from last night - wouldn't take her one big pill, even hidden in the chicken, so I had to shove it down her throat. When I got home tonight she had finished her chicken - didn't drink much water - and she had a seizure while I was gone. I knew this because she had peed in her bed, her tongue was stuck out of her mouth, and she couldn't climb out of her bed. I gave her a quick bath and then got out some chicken - which she ate :-) . She is now laying on the couch next to me.

My psychic abilities are kind of starting to get back on track- wish they weren't being right! What I thought might happen has - and now it's time to deal. I am just so emotionally drained after the past couple of weeks . . Ah Hell . . the last year has drained me. Sorry to be so cryptic right now - just need to get my thoughts together - work things through.

OK - I really need to go to bed - gotta get up early and face yet another wonderful day of Month End at work. Man this week sucks! :-P

D

Psychic Abilities on the Fritz

Long day at work today - between first day of Month End Close - which I was late at starting today - and the fact I kept having feelings of dread about Muppet all day. She was looking extra yellow this morning and not interested in food at all. I thought I might get home and find her not with us anymore. Thank goodness my intuition was off - when I got home she was still alive - had eaten her food - and didn't seem to be as yellow. I couldn't get her to take her pill pocket again so I had to shove her meds down her throat - I'm actually getting pretty good at it!

I was home for about 30 min when I decided to logon to my computer and check my emails - lets just say when I thought my intuition was off I was only partly right - it's not off just has some wires crossed - more specifically the L wires and Muppet wires seem to be jumbled up. Not sure exactly how things are going to go - lets just say - asking God WTH?!? about my last year probably was not such a good idea today.

On a fun note - tonight's episode of Big Bang Theory was absolutely hilarious!! Much needed laughter!

On another fun note - this LOL Cat really did make me LOL!










De