This bullet point update is brought to you by Rice Krispies and Survivor.
Discovered on Monday that I should not listen to 80's music when I'm feeling down. For some reason, all it did was bring up bad memories, regrets, and had me feeling worse than I did before.
Last night I had an actual phone conversation with L. No arguing, snarking, or hang ups. We talked about books of all things! I went to my bookcase and started reading off titles I had. She actually ended up choosing a book that I had and her friend Kelly had. She even read on the bus today.
I have been adjusting my eating habits and watching my calories. I need to work on it though - I'm so worried about not having enough calories at the end of the day that I don't eat much during the work day - I then get home starving with lots of calories to spend. like tonight - I had half my calories left for dinner- I had rice krispies, milk, and a banana - its now 9:00 and I still have 300 left to use.
Survivor - learned a few things tonight. A tribe of all woman will implode. No communication skills and tonight they decided to keep the fun, young, stupid one and send home the stronger, older one. The guys are so taking them down. Also, old men with big pot bellies should not wear teeny tiny speedos. They also should not dance around the campfire while wearing it. That is one sight I can never unsee.
De
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Weekend
Didn't really do much this weekend - I made the mistake of channel surfing and finding Twilight New Moon and Eclipse playing back to back on Showtime! Yup - that was a block of time spent on the couch - I am just a little obsessed with those movies - I've watched them back to back quite a few times now.
Today - I spent some time trying to get the mats and knots out of Chrissy's fur - she does not like to sit very still! I gave up trying to comb the ones out of her legs and paws - I ended up cutting them out. She know looks like I took a weed whacker to her legs. There is still a patch on her neck I need to work on - then I will need to take her to the groomers to get the hair cut evened up a bit.
L called me today - she and her Dad were at the Museum of Flight and there was a Star Wars gathering there - she had to call me because she was so excited.
Part of me wishes I was the part time parent - the one who gets to show up every couple of years and do fun things - it definitely seems to be the better deal. These days all I get are the phone calls asking for money or crying about the latest drama - then having her get pissed because I'm not reacting the way she wanted me to - Case in point - Friday she called me during my lunch hour in tears because she couldn't find something and wanted to know if I'd seen it - she was crying so hard I couldn't understand her. I guess I wasn't as upset as she wanted me to be - she hung up on me. I thought we had been disconnected so I called her back - she then informed me that No - she had hung up on me. Yup - she did the exact thing to me that she gets pissed if I do to her. Her Dad never has to deal with this - Can I be that parent for awhile!!
De
Today - I spent some time trying to get the mats and knots out of Chrissy's fur - she does not like to sit very still! I gave up trying to comb the ones out of her legs and paws - I ended up cutting them out. She know looks like I took a weed whacker to her legs. There is still a patch on her neck I need to work on - then I will need to take her to the groomers to get the hair cut evened up a bit.
L called me today - she and her Dad were at the Museum of Flight and there was a Star Wars gathering there - she had to call me because she was so excited.
Part of me wishes I was the part time parent - the one who gets to show up every couple of years and do fun things - it definitely seems to be the better deal. These days all I get are the phone calls asking for money or crying about the latest drama - then having her get pissed because I'm not reacting the way she wanted me to - Case in point - Friday she called me during my lunch hour in tears because she couldn't find something and wanted to know if I'd seen it - she was crying so hard I couldn't understand her. I guess I wasn't as upset as she wanted me to be - she hung up on me. I thought we had been disconnected so I called her back - she then informed me that No - she had hung up on me. Yup - she did the exact thing to me that she gets pissed if I do to her. Her Dad never has to deal with this - Can I be that parent for awhile!!
De
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
One Way?
Chrissy just made me giggle - I heard a noise on the other side of the living room - I looked up and all I could see was her butt and a wagging tail - her head was buried in one of her toy boxes and she was digging around trying to get at a toy. She is such a toddler!! She has toys all over the living room but she still needs to pull out more! Crazy Crazy Pup!
OK - time for bed. Tomorrow is Friday!! Yay!!
De
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Chemistry?
Depression - this is how it works - one minute your down and the next everything is fine.
Nothing in my environment has changed - I'm still buried at work, my house is still a disaster, I'm still overwhelmed - but I can feel the change in my brain! I'm happy, energized, positive. Feel like I can accomplish something. It's times like these where I ride the wave and try to do as much as I can. I sometimes wonder if I might be a little Bi-Polar - I certainly have low lows and high highs. Although, when I'm on a high I don't go out and do destructive things, spend lots of money, or take risks.
I am so excited for L this week - her Dad is coming in on Friday to spend a long weekend with her. It's been just about 3 years since they've seen each other. She is so excited - I believe they are both going to stay at her Dad's parent's house - that way they can spend as much time together as possible. I told L that if it worked out maybe the 3 of us could have lunch or dinner together - she would like to have both her parents in the same room. It's been so long and I think L could benefit from seeing her parents be civil with each other. We shall see.
De
I am so excited for L this week - her Dad is coming in on Friday to spend a long weekend with her. It's been just about 3 years since they've seen each other. She is so excited - I believe they are both going to stay at her Dad's parent's house - that way they can spend as much time together as possible. I told L that if it worked out maybe the 3 of us could have lunch or dinner together - she would like to have both her parents in the same room. It's been so long and I think L could benefit from seeing her parents be civil with each other. We shall see.
De
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Good Day
Tonight while watching Glee I saw a commercial that was soooo about my Dad!! It was one of those Pemco insurance commercials. I think they may need to pay my Dad cuz he was certainly the inspiration for this one!
Speaking of Glee - tonight's show was an odd coincidence of timing - Amber Riley who plays Mercedes on the show sang I Will Always Love You that was one of Whitney Houston's biggest hits. She did an incredible job and it couldn't have been better if it had been planned. De
Monday, February 13, 2012
They're Watching
I swear - this weekend I felt like they were watching me!
Saturday morning someone from church knocked on my door at 9:30 - that's just a little too early on a Saturday morning. Of course Chrissy started barking, but I've gotten pretty good at grabbing her up quickly and sneaking up to the peephole on the door to see who is out there. This time it was one of the gals who isn't very warm and fuzzy and has a way of making me feel like I'm doing something wrong or I'm being selfish. She knocked 3 separate times and stood at my door for 5 minutes!! Really - if I haven't answered the door withing 1 minute then I'm probably not going to answer the door. A knock on the door is a request for a face to face conversation - not a demand. I don't have to open the door if I don't want to.
Sunday night I took Chrissy out at 8:30 pm - we got to the bottom of the stairs and headed toward to the street - I hear foot steps behind me - it was the missionaries. They said they were in the area and were just going to head to my place to see how I was doing. Interesting how they just happened to be right there when Chrissy needed to go outside.
Just feeling a little paranoid!!
De
Saturday morning someone from church knocked on my door at 9:30 - that's just a little too early on a Saturday morning. Of course Chrissy started barking, but I've gotten pretty good at grabbing her up quickly and sneaking up to the peephole on the door to see who is out there. This time it was one of the gals who isn't very warm and fuzzy and has a way of making me feel like I'm doing something wrong or I'm being selfish. She knocked 3 separate times and stood at my door for 5 minutes!! Really - if I haven't answered the door withing 1 minute then I'm probably not going to answer the door. A knock on the door is a request for a face to face conversation - not a demand. I don't have to open the door if I don't want to.
Sunday night I took Chrissy out at 8:30 pm - we got to the bottom of the stairs and headed toward to the street - I hear foot steps behind me - it was the missionaries. They said they were in the area and were just going to head to my place to see how I was doing. Interesting how they just happened to be right there when Chrissy needed to go outside.
Just feeling a little paranoid!!
De
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Roller Coaster
Up - Down - Up . . . I was on a roller coaster ride yesterday . . . . mentally not an actual ride! A ride would have been more fun. I got up this morning and I was in a good mood - it was Friday . .Yay!! I baked last night and the bread turned out and tasted great - My workday looked to be a little less stressful - no traffic this morning. I was actually pretty chipper all day long. Even more so when I got a text message from Amazon letting me know that my Breaking Dawn DVD had been delivered - it was a good day. Then came . . . . . . . . . the call from L. Her TurboTax card wasn't working - she needed me to help her get it fixed - then the question of when I was leaving work, maybe I could drive her home. I was feeling good so why not.
Everything was going fine until . . . . . I took her to the Chevron so she could take money off her TurboTax Card. While she was inside I got a call from my mom - whom I hadn't talked to in awhile. L tried calling me and I figured if she needed me bad enough she would come outside - uh no - it just pissed her off that I didn't drop what I was doing to take her call - after all her needs are the most important. She finally came outside to the car and started yelling at me for not taking her call - what was so urgent - the ATM Machine was telling her she could only take out $400 and she needed to know if that just meant from that machine or for the day. After I explained it all to her she went back inside - then she came back out to the car and snapped at me that her bus to Kellie's was going to be there soon and she still needed to get home - uh yeah - like I was the one taking too much time in the Chevron. I got her dropped at her house and I took off before she could get mad at me again. She still succeeded in putting a damper on my mood.
That was until I got home and found my Breaking Dawn DVD waiting for me!!!! Yay!!
De
Everything was going fine until . . . . . I took her to the Chevron so she could take money off her TurboTax Card. While she was inside I got a call from my mom - whom I hadn't talked to in awhile. L tried calling me and I figured if she needed me bad enough she would come outside - uh no - it just pissed her off that I didn't drop what I was doing to take her call - after all her needs are the most important. She finally came outside to the car and started yelling at me for not taking her call - what was so urgent - the ATM Machine was telling her she could only take out $400 and she needed to know if that just meant from that machine or for the day. After I explained it all to her she went back inside - then she came back out to the car and snapped at me that her bus to Kellie's was going to be there soon and she still needed to get home - uh yeah - like I was the one taking too much time in the Chevron. I got her dropped at her house and I took off before she could get mad at me again. She still succeeded in putting a damper on my mood.
That was until I got home and found my Breaking Dawn DVD waiting for me!!!! Yay!!
De
Thursday, February 9, 2012
A Little Baking - A Little Smile
Well - the stress bubbled up and over . . . . . . . . no crying . . . . . . just a tremendous amount of energy when I got home from work - so I did what makes me happy and helps me to just forget everything and breathe . . . . . I baked! I had a bag of bananas just waiting to be used - they weren't as mushy as I would normally use but I so needed to bake. Chrissy doesn't like it when I am hanging in the kitchen - not sure why, maybe because that's her home during the day and she's worried I'm going to do something to it. She just stands guard in there watching me move around - every once in awhile jumping up to tag my butt.
I had just finished mixing everything together and was getting the pans ready - I set the spatula down on the counter - it fell off and scared the beejesus out of Chrissy! I thought it had just landed on the floor next to her. After the bread was in the oven and I went to the couch, Chrissy jumped up next to me - I started petting her and my hand ran through a gooey mess - yup - the spatula had landed on her before it hit the floor!! Time for a really quick bath!
While baking I watched The Ellen Show, which I had recorded during the day because my two favorite little girls from England were back on - Sophia Grace and Rosie!! If you have never seen them you should search on YouTube and watch their videos. I will give you a quick taste of what I mean - watch this.
This just made me smile when I got home - which was much needed.
De
I had just finished mixing everything together and was getting the pans ready - I set the spatula down on the counter - it fell off and scared the beejesus out of Chrissy! I thought it had just landed on the floor next to her. After the bread was in the oven and I went to the couch, Chrissy jumped up next to me - I started petting her and my hand ran through a gooey mess - yup - the spatula had landed on her before it hit the floor!! Time for a really quick bath!
While baking I watched The Ellen Show, which I had recorded during the day because my two favorite little girls from England were back on - Sophia Grace and Rosie!! If you have never seen them you should search on YouTube and watch their videos. I will give you a quick taste of what I mean - watch this.
This just made me smile when I got home - which was much needed.
De
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Muddled
Muddle Mind - that's what I feel like tonight. I have been working on so many different things at work these days that it's all starting to muddle together. My head is so full that it's almost making my eyes leak . . . . . . . . aka close to tears . . . . . . . No Crying in Finance! It's not any one thing in particular - it's just everything all at once - needing to be done right now - I'm drowning!
I'm not sure if these feelings have anything to do with depression or if it's just normal - I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this to see if what I'm feeling is something that all people go through. I hate feeling like I'm going to burst out into tears - so I swallow it all down - bury it in the back of my mind - hope it doesn't bubble out at some inopportune moment!
People that I could talk to either want to fix it - don't want to talk about it - change the subject - story trump. I don't want it fixed - I want someone to say hey - I understand what your feeling - let me take on some of the stress for you. Or to just give me a big hug and try to help get my mind off things. Chrissy just isn't that good at taking things on for me though!! Anyone want to volunteer to come take some of the at home stress over - I could use a great organizer to help me toss things and straighten up.
My thoughts are jumping all over and I don't think I'm making much sense tonight. I think I will just head to bed early and hope tomorrow is a better day.
De
I'm not sure if these feelings have anything to do with depression or if it's just normal - I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this to see if what I'm feeling is something that all people go through. I hate feeling like I'm going to burst out into tears - so I swallow it all down - bury it in the back of my mind - hope it doesn't bubble out at some inopportune moment!
People that I could talk to either want to fix it - don't want to talk about it - change the subject - story trump. I don't want it fixed - I want someone to say hey - I understand what your feeling - let me take on some of the stress for you. Or to just give me a big hug and try to help get my mind off things. Chrissy just isn't that good at taking things on for me though!! Anyone want to volunteer to come take some of the at home stress over - I could use a great organizer to help me toss things and straighten up.
My thoughts are jumping all over and I don't think I'm making much sense tonight. I think I will just head to bed early and hope tomorrow is a better day.
De
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I'm baaaack!
I've been thinking about why I don't write much anymore - and I have come to the conclusion that it is because I started worrying about what people would think about what I wrote - what kind of comments I might get - worried that I had nothing important to say - worried I might say the wrong thing, upset someone, and then get a talking to about how I hurt someones feelings. Well - one of the reasons I started writing in here was to get over the fear of what people think about me. My thinking got in the way of my writing. No more - I am going to write about what's on my mind.
So - going forward I will write what I want and not worry what people think.
I am thinking about changing the name of my blog again - this past year has been a journey but I think that name has run it's course. The new name will reflect my life right now . . . . . . . . Living With Depression . . . . . . . . I hope to give some insight into what it's like . . . . . . . . to dispel the myth that being depressed means you sit around crying all the time . . . . . . to help get rid of the stigma of mental health disorders . . . . . . .
De
So - going forward I will write what I want and not worry what people think.
I am thinking about changing the name of my blog again - this past year has been a journey but I think that name has run it's course. The new name will reflect my life right now . . . . . . . . Living With Depression . . . . . . . . I hope to give some insight into what it's like . . . . . . . . to dispel the myth that being depressed means you sit around crying all the time . . . . . . to help get rid of the stigma of mental health disorders . . . . . . .
De
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)