Memories - Good or Bad

I have a pretty good memory when it comes to things that have happened in my life - I can remember things from as far back as 4 years old. Lots of things can trigger memories - talking about experiences, TV shows, books, pictures, music, smells, etc. The main trigger for me is music - songs from the past and songs about experiences I can relate to. I give my sister a hard time because she doesn't remember a lot of things that have happened. I got to thinking though that maybe my sister has it better than me - although most memories are happy there are those that bring sadness, anger, and regret.

I have never seen the Jim Carrey movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - the premise is that you could have the sad and regretful memories erased. What would that be like? When a song came on that was from your past and is linked to a sad time - like a break-up - would you remember the song but not the feelings? Would you only remember the good times from when that song played?

If you no longer have the sad/regretful memories will you be a different person? Is it the experiences we have or the memories of those experiences that make us who we are? For example,

• Your first true love, the feelings of being cherished, the sad break-up, the regrets of not doing things differently.
  
• Regrets for decisions made like going to a school, living in a city, not going out with someone.
• The wondering about What If? Would things be different if I had just made this one different decision?
  

Do these contribute more than just making you sad every time the memory comes up – every time the song is played?

Sometimes I would like to try the memory erase - I think it would make life easier.

Comments – Thoughts?

De

***If your wondering what got me thinking - Taylor Swifts song Fifteen***

Buffy -vs- Edward!!

I just saw this and being the Buffy The Vampire Slayer / Twilight geek that I am - I Loved It!!

All I Can Say Is . . . . Wow!

My Baseball Game MO is - get to the game before the 1st inning - get an order of Garlic Fries - head to my seat - chat and sort of watch the game - head home either right before or just after the 7th Inning Stretch. You see - the games that I go to are rather slow, not very exciting, and the Mariner's usually lose. Not sure if it's me bringing bad luck to the Mariner's or if I just don't have the right timing to go and see a good game.

Lyd called me this morning and said she had gotten some tickets at her work and wanted to know if I would go to the game with her. Sure - it's Friday Night and I didn't have any other plans. I started thinking about the Garlic Fries and looked forward to chatting with Lyd.

When we got there I was disappointed to see that Griffey was not in the starting line-up. Man - that was the one thing outside of my usual ball game schedule that I was looking forward to. Oh well - Everything else was going according to plan - got the fries and did some chatting!

The game followed my usual experiences - by the 4th Inning we were losing 3 - 0 and it didn't look very hopeful. After the 7th Inning stretch we started talking about leaving but for some reason we decided to stay for just a little bit more. I am so glad we did! Bottom of the 8th - we got a single home run and a runner on base - things were looking up. Then - there was a slight hush in the stadium - then the crowd erupted in to loud cheers, clapping . . . . The player we all wanted to see was coming off the bench . . . the mighty Ken Griffey Jr was coming up to bat!!!! The flashes on every camera in the stadium started going off! This is what we all came to see! The other team was caught off guard - they had a meeting out at the pitchers mound while Jr stepped up to the plate and took some practice swings. Everyone got in to their positions - the pitcher looked for the signal - Jr stared him down - the pitcher winds up - throws a fast ball - Jr swings the bat . . . going . . . . going . . . . gone . .GOOD-BYE BASEBALL!! Jr hits a home run on his first swing of the bat!! The crowd goes wild!! Jr trots around the bases just like he did years ago when he was a Mariner and he had his trademark grin! You could feel the magic in the air as he circled around 1st - 2nd - 3rd - on his way to home plate! It was the most exciting time I have had at a game - it was magical and I am glad we stayed and were able to see it. I think this play may have been a turning point in the Mariner's season - we shall have to wait and see. We did win tonight 4 - 3!!

I think I am a born again Mariner's Fan!

De

Fates Chosen Path

Feeling a little down tonight. This has been an up and down week. Started with getting up way too early on Saturday to take L to the airport and then was filled with too many trips to the dentist. I think toothaches are the worst - they make every part of your mouth and head hurt and it is very difficult to concentrate on things.

So with all that going on my mental state was already on the way down so when I received a call from L tonight it just got me thinking and feeling sad. As you know she is in NC right now with her Dad's side of the family for Alyssa's wedding. Alyssa's Mom and Dad - Gerri and Chris - were my best friends in High School. My ex Alan is Chris' brother and Alan's wife is Gerri's sister. When L called I could hear everyone in the background laughing and having a great time. L told me that Kenny was there too - he is part of my high school group of friends that I no longer have contact with due to the intertwining lives of everyone else. It is sad to think back on the great friendships I had in High School/College/ plus a few years after and to see how decisions and choices that were out of my control completely changed my life. Part of me wishes I could be there to celebrate this wonderful day in Alyssa's life but I understand that that is not the path chosen for me. As we have all probably felt before - it's one thing to understand it in your head and a completely different thing to feel and understand it in your heart.

Congratulations Alyssa and Christopher. Best Wishes for a long and happy marriage.

De

The Thrill of Victory and The Agony of Deteeth!!

I got to go to the dentist today!! Not just any dentist - an Endodontist! They specialize in root canals! It was so exciting and fun! Nope - not on drugs - because they didn't give me any :( I am just trying to look at this with a sense of - it wasn't so bad because nobody died. Yeah - only works when you don't have a throbbing pain in your mouth.

Got to the appointment at 930 this morning - Dr Burnett looked at the x-rays and poked around in my mouth - Oh yeah, that felt just great! He thought the tooth was too far gone and couldn't be saved - a root canal was just going to prolong the inevitable - which is having to have the tooth removed. He called my regular dentist - Dr Brandon Cooley - and they decided I should go back and talk to him regarding a treatment plan and that the root canal should be put on hold! I was like - What?!?!?!? I haven't been able to eat or drink for 2 days due to the sensitivity and the incredible pain! Dr Burnett did a temporary fix so I could eat - no more sensitivity to cold and heat! I headed back over to the Cooley's and was told that the tooth did need to be removed and seeing as we already know this tooth is a lost cause we should spend the time and money on the two other crowns that need to be replaced so that they don't get as bad as this one. I so love going to the dentist!

So - got the temp fix but my mouth - the procedure has left my teeth aching though and I got no good pain meds from the dentist. What's a girl to do?!? Headed to Happy Hour after work with Finance and self medicated with a beer and then a cranberry and vodka! Worked for awhile! Now it is time for bed and my teeth are throbbing. Gonna take some Advil and try to get some sleep.

De

Get Over It

I originally was going to write about my aching tooth and how I really hate dentists - but my appointment to cure the agony of de-teeth isn't until 930 tomorrow morning so I will save that subject for tomorrow. Although - let me just say - this is a very painful diet - haven't been able to eat for 2 days because it hurts too much.

The topic of this entry came to me at around 10 this morning - it came to me via a phone call from L. The call was not to ask me for money or to try and convince me to pay for something. No - this was a call from a very hurt little girl who was crying - made my heart break. What could possibly have happened to make her so upset. She is in NC on vacation and I know she had been looking forward to the visit for so long so I was very surprised when the first words out of her mouth were that she didn't want to be there any more.

You see - her Step-Monster, Randi, is there but her Dad won't be until Thursday. For some unknown reason, Randi really hates L and makes no attempt to hide this from her. She goes out of her way to not say a word to her and to treat her like she doesn't exist. Today L heard her talking behind her back to L's brother and sisters and bitching about how she had done a crappy job of vacuuming and how hard is it to vacuum! - Everyone is helping around the house to get it ready for the wedding this weekend and L was asked to vacuum the rugs in the basement and the stairs. When she was done her Uncle Chris told her that it looked fine so she was very upset to hear Randi complaining about her.

What did L ever do to Randi that would deserve this kind of treatment for the past 17 years - you read that right - this has been going on for 17 years!! Which means L was 2 when it started! What could a 2 year old have done that was so bad it could result in holding a grudge for 17 years! It's possible that L is just a reminder to Randi that Alan was married once before and that L is his first born. But come on - it's been 17 years! Get Over It!

It's not like she sees L all the time - they see her maybe once a year. I would think an adult could just set aside any animosity for the 2 weeks they are around each other - 2 weeks out of your whole life really isn't that much in the grand scheme of things.

De

Way Too Early!

Definitely a couch potato day. Had to get up at 330 this morning - L had a 640 Flight to catch this morning and I needed to take her to the airport. 330 is just too dang early for a Saturday morning. I got back home by 530 and while i was contemplating whether to stay up and get started on the day - I fell asleep on the couch! When I woke up at 930 - it was to a fuzzy fuzzy brain! No motivation to do anything. Well, at least nothing too productive! I caught up on some of my shows on the DVR! Watched the last half of Season 5 of Medium! Got my DVR down to 50% full. Now there's an accomplishment!

De