How do you keep a positive attitude going?

 I got up this morning – decided I was going to start the work week with a positive attitude – try to let go of everything that has been bothering me about what goes on at work. It lasted about 5 minutes – took that much time for me to see the notes on my desk and the email sent to me and cc’d to the new person I report to. The person who sent the email is my bosses boss – which bothered me because the email wasn’t about something that has been a chronic issue so why include my supervisor – also, why does this person only ever send out emails when something hasn’t been done to his expectations but never sends out an email when something has met or exceeded his expectations. Like the spreadsheet I got to him on Friday because he needed it early (wasn’t due until this Friday) or the spreadsheet I had prepared on my own anticipating that he would need to know the Fixed Asset ID’s I had assigned to the remodel project. If I could just hear Good Job every once in awhile then it would be so much easier to take the criticism. Keep piling on the shitty comments and it just makes me feel like I can never do anything right which then results in me believing that and so not doing anything right. Why put energy in if you’re just going to get beat down anyways. I’m starting to feel like I did when I worked at Western. Not a good feeling. I hate feeling close to tears at work – There’s No Crying in Finance! Doesn’t help either that the headache and annoying ear ringing are back again!

I don’t really feel like I can talk to anyone about this because everything has been so negative in my life lately that I feel like people are getting tired of hearing it. So – I either paste on a happy face and fake that everything is OK (I am really good at that) or I just don’t talk to anyone at all – either way I will just keep all of this bottled up inside me until it finally explodes. Although – won’t do anything crazy because my house is a disaster and I worry about people seeing it. Told L that a bad sign will be if my house is completely spotless!

D