Not Sure What To Do

The last 24 hours have been rather stressful and I have been debating with myself as to whether to write about it or not. I have shared most everything else on this blog and maybe someone who reads this can give me some ideas or just some moral support.

Monday morning I got up and found that my daughter and her new friend, a 20 year old guy, were in her room. I asked her what was going on and she said they had been up all night talking and hadn't broken the rule of no member of the opposite sex sleeping in her room. I told her that I didn't like getting up on the morning to find a stranger in my house and that he needed to leave when she left for work. When I got home Monday night I found them both asleep in her room - yet again. I woke her up - which was tough in and of itself - and had her come out in to the living room so we could talk. She didn't want to talk but she finally came out. My first question was whether he had been here all day including when we were both at work. She said yes. I told her that will not happen again in my house as we do not leave strangers in our house when we are not home. She said he was not a stranger that he was her friend. I asked how long she had known him - 4 days!!!! We got in to a loud discussion about how she didn't really know him and I wanted him out of my house. She said he wasn't leaving so I told her I would ask him to leave. I headed down the hallway and she followed - getting in front of me and pushing me away from her room telling me I wasn't going to be mean to her friends. I made my way down and was in her doorway holding the door open with my back to the door and she got in my face and hit me in the stomach telling me to get out of her room and that no one was leaving.

This is what I debated about writing - part of me has a small understanding of how abused people feel and how they don't want to tell anyone because they think they just have done something to deserve this. Was I making a bigger thing out of this guy being in my house than I should, had I somehow done something to cause this escalation. etc... I am still having a hard time figuring this whole thing out.

I finally went back to her room and let them know that he needed to be out in 5 minutes or else I would be calling the police. He left and then shortly afterwards my daughter left. She ended up sleeping in his truck with him out in the parking lot.

This morning I knew that she would probably be coming in after I left for work and that he was probably going to be in here with her. I made it very clear yet again that he was not to be left in the house when no one was home. She called me on hr first break and was questioning me about when I was going to be home. As the day went on I started to have a weird feeling so I left work about 10 minutes early and instead of going straight to an appointment I had I went by the house to get my dog. Sure enough, when I walked in the house the guy was there by himself as my daughter was still at work. I told him he needed to leave and he walked right out. I left for my appointment - locking the door. I got a call about 545 from L wanting to know why I had locked her out. I told her I had locked the guy out and that she could wait for me to get home and I would let her in. She hung up on me and I have not heard from her since.

So - do I just go to bed and leave the door locked and hope she will call. Do I leave the door unlocked and hope she comes home and leaves the guy outside.

How do I make sure he is not here when no one is home? Do I make her leave at the same time I do for work and lock the door - telling her she will need to figure out something to do until she needs to be at work and I will let her in when I get home?

Has she chosen not to follow so many rules that I don't give her anymore chances and she definitely needs to make plans for when she turns 18?

I am just sick to my stomach and don't have any more answers.

If you have any ideas, words of wisdom, helpful stories, etc Please share.

De

Roller Coaster Week with a Teenager

I haven't written about L lately because things with her have been changing so fast that when I think about writing it is no longer applicable. Good Heavens it has been a ride. I think the easiest way to do this would be to list the day and write about the most significant issue of that day.

Saturday 2/23 - Once again I had no idea where she was on this day. She left to go hang with friends on Friday night - didn't check in - and didn't bother coming home. She was also to clean her bedroom and bathroom but a little hard to accomplish that when you don't show up at home. I went to game night at Lyd's got home around midnight - L showed up at home sometime early early Sunday morning.

Sunday 2/24 - This was my Pike Place Market day. L got up around 10 or so and proceeded to get an attitude with me because I had plans for this day and she wanted to go to Target. She phrased it as - The one day I want to spend with you and you are going out - hmmm Mom has a life - how surprising! I think she only wanted to spend time with my wallet - hoping I would buy her something at Target seeing as she has no money.

Monday - Wednesday - these days were fairly calm. I let her know that I expected her room and bathroom to be clean by the end of day Friday or else the rooms would become my weekend project. She said Not if she was home because I wasn't coming in to her room - of course this escalated into a discussion about how she's not paying rent so I could enter the room whenever I wanted. I then told her it won't be an issue if she gets them clean. She was in and out most of these days.

Thursday - When I got home the Internet wasn't working on my computer - the main box is in L's room so I went in there to try and reset and figure out what was going on. First thing - L had taken the Internet cord out of the wireless box and plugged it directly in to her computer. I started moving cords around when L came home from work. She went ballistic because I was in her room. I explained I was trying to fix the Internet - she said if I take the cord from her computer her Internet won't work - i told her it's not my problem she broke yet another computer and that she needed to keep the Internet connected to the wireless. Let's just say that things escalated from there. I gave her the rules for staying in the house once she turns 18 and she ended up leaving the house and going to her friend Jenny's. The major sticking point with her is that i want her to pay $200 rent. How is she supposed to pay that when she is only working 15 hours a week. Hmmmm - once again not my problem that she got fired and she needs to figure it out. She came home early Friday morning and was cleaning her room and bathroom when I left for work Friday morning.

Friday - I made sure I got home from work early enough to get my stuff and Muppet to go to Lyd's before L got home. She called me after I left and was driving to Lyd's. She was actually calm on the phone. She wanted to discuss the house rules - which to her means that she wants me to change my mind. She still didn't like the rent amount and she wanted to know why I made a rule that she couldn't have guys sleeping in her room. She said I was trying to have her be like my generation and I should let her be herself. OK - I sounded like my parents here in that I said - As long as you are living under my roof you will live by my rules. If you want to live by your own rules you need to move out. She need to make some compromises. Later in the evening she called me at Lyd's to ask me to order her a pizza - that's right - I said No and she said I never buy her anything and that she wasn't joking and didn't I think there was something wrong with that. I laughed and said good bye!

Saturday - She headed out to a friends house about 3. She had cleaned her room and bathroom. She called and checked in a couple times during the night. Wow! Things were looking up.

Today - No calls form L. I had no idea where she was and her phone was off. She came waltzing in tonight around 6:00pm. When I made a comment about her not checking in she said her hone had died. I said - No one else had a phone and she responded with she wasn't thinking about that and it wasn't a big deal. She is now in her room.

I think we came full circle as this is the way things were last Sunday. So lets recap! Moody Teen - Angry Teen - Ready to Talk Teen - Co-operative Teen - Snotty Teen. Stop! I want to get off this crazy ride!!

In case you're keeping track along with me - 69 days until she turns 18!

De

Living with a 17 year old!

I didn't know what I was going to blog about today and then I got a call from my daughter and the topic just came to me!   

I am trying hard to give her life's lessons and not jump in and rescue her when she makes mistakes.  This one has to do with money.  She currently has a full-time job and she gets paid once a month on the 5th.  That means she got her pay check 2 weeks ago. She is making pretty good money for a 17 year old who just graduated high school.    

Some background information - after she graduated high school and before she got her job i would loan her some money and keep it on a running tab with the understanding that she would pay me back when she got a job.  Her first pay check came at the beginning of December and I told her she could wait until her January check to pay me back as it was Christmas time and her first check.   

Now we come to today - I asked to be paid back the $125 she owes me when she got her check on 1/5/08 and she said she would pay me.  Every time I brought it up she would say she has the money and I will get paid.  Yesterday I asked her to just write me a check and she told me she couldn't because she didn't have any money left over from getting paid 2 weeks ago.  Later in the evening she wanted to go to a show with her friends and realized she had no money - I didn't lecture I just said consider it a learning experience on how she needs to budget her money so she can do things through out the whole month.

Now the phone call - she just called form her friends house and said they were all heading to Red Robin and seeing as she didn't have any cash could I just loan her $5.  I said no - she asked why - I said because she still owed me $125 - she said she is paying me back on the next check because I am making her - I said I wouldn't give her the money and she proceeded to says f*** y** and hang up on me.

Somehow her being poor and not having any money leftover has become my fault!  Interesting!  

She wants to be on her own - not have me be involved in things - but when she needs something she thinks I should just hand it over.

Not gonna happen!  Oh - did I mention that as she spent the whole weekend with her friends so  she never got around to cleaning up her dishes and clothes which means either I do them or live in a house with dirty dishes for another week.

Any suggestions on how to get the chores done are appreciated!!

Countdown - 111 days until she turns 18!

Have a good week ~ De